Have you ever tried to grab a fist full of sand and hold it? The harder you try to grasp it the more sand you lose through your fingertips. Holding onto sand seems impossible, it just keeps slipping away. However, if you cup your hands together you can gently cradle the sand losing almost nothing.  Consider cupping gently the joys and challenges in life rather than trying desperately to hold onto them.

Life’s journey will follow a twisting turning path if we allow it to be. Each twist and turn inspires anticipation and wonder about what is around the next corner. Many of us try to control and predict what is about to come hoping and wishing for something great and magnificent. Sometimes we are greeted with such wonderful moments, happy endings, and dreams come true. Other times we are left feeling disappointed, emotionally charged, and bewildered. Whatever greets you around the next turn of your life’s journey embrace it gently. Cup it in your hands; do not hold on so tight that it causes you to lose the experience, memory, or lesson life has to offer despite your greatest efforts.

I have often found myself desperately trying to hold onto moments in life, grasping them tightly only to find that they just keep slipping through my fingertips. I am referring to meaningful events in life, relationships, behaviors, and values and beliefs. Rather than fighting to keep what we believe we do not want to lose by grasping it tightly, we should instead gently cup the event in our hands, holding on only as long as we need to and then let go.

Life offers greatness, challenges, heartache, and happiness, each giving us something to define further our unique character as individuals. Know that each offering will come and go allowing space for the next opportunity, memory, or chance at greatness. Do not grasp life’s offerings tightly hoping that nothing will change, that the moment will last forever. Instead, cup it gently experiencing it for what it is in the moment and then let it be what it will be in the grand scheme of life.

Change, transitions, and transformations are inevitable. Everything in life will change with time. Allow life’s offerings to come and go freely experience them for the moment, learn from the lessons they teach and let them go. Life’s journey is a twisting turning path that can be an adventure if we allow ourselves the flexibility and freedom to experience what it has to offer, both good and bad.

Over the last few weeks, the Winter Olympics have drawn the attention of people across the globe. Many have had eyes glued to the television as their favorite Olympic athlete competed for the Gold. As I watched the Winter Olympic Games, I could not help but wonder what made them different from the average person. I sat, watched, and wondered if it was their physical ability that made them unique, the power of their mind, use of emotional control, focus and perseverance;  what made them succeed? How did they overcome the pain of injury, maneuvering an entire mountain at speeds I would not drive my car. What kept them focused and in control when their peers crashed one after the next just before crossing the finish line?

For three weeks, I observed sport after sport awe struck by the mental stability, focus, and control of the Olympic athletes. I could not help but wonder whether others could be inspired toward exceptional performance. I wanted to know what these Olympians understood about success that I might be missing. I started to research the experience, knowledge and passion Olympic athletes possess that others may not. I wanted to understand why these elite athletes achieved success again and again.

As I watched the athletes winning medal after medal, I felt inspired and wanted to understand the core of their enthusiasm and positive attitude, as I found it to be contagious. I began to observe behaviors that made me believe these people were on a mission, thinking differently than most, taking action, and producing results. My research uncovered some basic and familiar principles that Olympians live by resulting is amazing success.

Courage, it is courage that separates the winners from the losers. Olympians have the courage to act and endure. Past, present, and future success all depends upon their courage. Courage is demonstrated through action. So what is it that inspires courage in the elite? Challenges. They continuously take on challenges knowing that is what will make them great.

Self-belief, a person will never accomplish anything great in life until they can believe there is something inside of them bigger than the surrounding circumstance. Self-belief comes from within, but is also inspired by those around you. Each Olympian surrounds themselves with a support system of people who believe in them.

Perseverance is the drive to never quit. I believe that if you don’t give up you still have a chance to achieve your goals. Knowing that if you persevere you still have a chance gives you knowledge and power to continue boldly pursuing what you aspire to achieve. The Olympic athletes I watched persevered pain, defeat, and the competition.

Goal setting, I have often stated that if you don’t know where you are going how will you know when you have arrived? Olympic athletes have dreams defining their success. Goals help to define and appreciate dreams. It is important to set goals but more important to achieve them.

Visualization, you have to be able to see yourself succeed. Watching the woman’s downhill demonstrated the power of visualization. Each athlete, in preparation for her run would sit, eyes closed and move her body as if to be taking the run. Each concentrated on turns, jumps, and the moves they would make winning them the Gold.

Self-talk, we all have that tiny voice in your head, you know the one we either listen to or quickly try to quiet, well Olympians listen. They understand wholeheartedly that what they say influences what they think and what they think effects how they perform. What we do and say, our self-talk, becomes habit. Habits determine our results. When you are not satisfied with your results simply changing your actions will not lead to success, because we easily revert to old habits. Old habits can only be positively influenced with effective self-talk.

Being inspired by these amazing elite athletes made me reconsider how I approach my personal drive to succeed. As I observed the elite, I began to think what might happen if I sought after my personal goals like an Olympic athlete. What if I trained for what I desired to achieve so I could win the Gold. The seven basic principles resulting in success are not unfamiliar, so my training has started. I plan to win the Gold!

- Dr. Dionne Kress, DM

We have all seen Olympic athletes winning the Gold, what we don’t see is the training, practice, intense drive and determination to win. Most people have only been trained to see what is directly in front of them, the finished product. We look as the riches and not the rags. “The saying goes: The expert in anything was once a beginner in everything” (J. Gracia).

Often the inner drive that motivates us toward our desires escapes us. We only see triumph and success and not the hard work and dedication it takes to achieve greatness. We become overwhelming and view the picture of success as daunting. Olympians possess uniqueness in terms of physical capabilities, they also have an internal fire within, that same fire burns within each of you. The challenges that are preventing you from achieving your desires can become reality with minor changes and looking at the bigger picture of what you wish to achieve.

It may seem unbelievable that you could be the person that looses twenty pounds, runs a marathon, or climbs a mountain. For some reason we separate ourselves from success. We tell ourselves we are not capable of achieving greatness.

Have you ever seen a novel sitting on the shelf and said to yourself, “I could never write a book.” That perspective is all wrong! Why? Because authors do not write books, authors write words. This is an important concept to understand. It may seem to be obvious, but it is what separates those who do from those who wish and wait.

I suggested earlier that many only see the winning Olympian or the finished product. Well, if we only experienced this when watching Olympians that would be one thing. The problem occurs when we do not allow ourselves to see achievement from the big picture perspective when it comes to our own personal desires to achieve.

Overcoming debt, starting a business, loosing weight, changing careers are outcomes that millions of people wish to achieve, but they do not believe they can do it. They are too focused on the finished product rather than the process. They view success as the present and forget about the training, practice, drive, and determination it takes to get there.

So how do you motivate yourself to achieve your own winning Gold? You must first see your goals as achievable. You have to believe in you, do not minimize what you are capable of achieving. You have to know intuitively you can do something better than anyone else. You have to understand that success is a process; it is just a matter of time.

Losing twenty pounds is achievable but it happen one pound at a time. Running a marathon is achievable but it happens one mile at a time. Writing a book is possible but happens one word at a time. Almost everything in the world happens through one-step, one action, and one decision at a time, Remember the old saying; we have to walk before we can run.

- Dr. Dionne Kress, DM

What is that feeling of love we all so desperately search for and desire to make our lives feel satisfied and complete? What is the true meaning of being in love? I once read that love is friendship caught on fire. It takes root and grows one day at a time.

I have often questioned what love is and if it has a different meaning for everyone. I have engaged in lengthy conversations with friends about the meaning of love and each seems to vary to some degree in their belief, meaning, and understanding. Many described love as the feeling you have when you first meet someone and the glow of happiness that overwhelms you. From there it is history. Is that real love and can it really last?

We have all had the feeling of sweaty palms, racing heart, and the lump in our throat when that special person enters the room. Is it love or like? How about the feeling of not being able to take your eyes or hands off someone, is that love or lust? Is it love or luck if you are with a person who you aim to showing off as you stroll down the street? What is love?

Would you consider it love or loneliness when you simply want someone just because you know he/she will always be there? Would you remain in a relationship because that is what you both think you want? Is that love or loyalty. Do you stay in a relationship because you do not want to hurt the others feelings. Is that love or pity? Do you express to your partner everyday that you only think of them. It that love or a lie? What is love?

One theory of Love has three components passion, intimacy, and commitment. Passion is the physical arousal and feeling of being attracted to someone. Intimacy develops over time through communication and sharing. Intimacy is what makes you want to be emotionally supportive and share your life. It presents as a feeling of connectedness. Commitment is the promise to continue strengthening the feeling of love and maintaining the relationship. Commitment is the desire to be in a serious relationship and to be persevering through the tough times.

This is only one theory of love but it expresses three important factors when it comes to truly being in love. There is a delicate balance, individual to each of us. If you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone what is the feeling you want to have each time you are with that person. Do not miss understand, life is not perfect and presents many challenges but really what is the feeling of love that will make you feel whole?

I believe love is the quiet understanding you have for another and the mature acceptance of their imperfections. Love gives you strength and grows bigger than you. I believe love is the feeling of warmth that comes over you when you think of your partner whether they are near or far. Love is trust and maturation of a friendship.

When you are truly in love you should feel calm and secure, unthreatened. Real love will make you feel whole and content. It completes the circle of life. Love lifts your spirit makes you feel optimistic and can make you a better person.

- Dr. Dionne Kress, DM

Recently, I attended the “Get Motivated” seminar and found the experience quite insightful. The line up of speakers represented many areas of expertise and leadership experience. The motivational speakers included many well-recognized and dynamic individuals such as, Collin Powell, Joe Montana, Zig Ziglar, Steve Forbes, Rudi Giuliani, and Phil Town.

Each of the speakers expressed an individual and unique perspective on leadership and motivation. The overarching message I received from the seminar was that we should be acting accountable and responsible, proactively taking ownership of your choices and level of success. We live in a great country, which provides us with many opportunities, but we need to optimize on those opportunities engaging in a proactive approach toward achievement of our goals.

Some of the speakers suggested that it is no longer acceptable to wait and see, anticipating the opportune moment to take action. The time to take action is now. Times are changing at a fast pace and only we can determine the outcomes in our lives. Every minute we wait, contemplating taking action, increases our risk of missing the opportunity for success that is right there in front of us.

One of the motivational speakers said something that struck me. He said, not everyone is cut out for success and many of the people in the audience would not seek out opportunities because they did not believe they could be great! Another speaker made the point that we do not have to rack our brains developing something new, but instead be creative and invent a new use for something that already exists. Everything changes and with that, new ideas are be born.

I would agree that belief and creativity are tremendously powerful in the achievement of success. If we do not believe in ourselves, who else will? If we are not being innovative, someone else is. I had a professor once tell me, “Act yourself into a new way of being.” If you start to do this, I know you will find that you can do things that you once thought you could not. It may be uncomfortable at first, but aren’t most new things we try? We need to practice and eventually believing in you will be become natural, second nature.

Rudi Giuliani spoke about six leadership traits he believes create great leaders. The six leadership traits are dynamic and establish a solid foundation for effective leadership, no matter what role you play. They encourage accountability and being proactive, both essential to being successful. They include:

1. A set of strong beliefs, you need to be clear on what you want to accomplish.
2. Optimistic attitude, you need to be a problem solver.
3. You need to act with courage and be willing to take risks.
4. Engage in relentless preparation, when you are prepared, you reduce risk and can effectively deal with the unexpected.
5. Engage in teamwork and appreciate the value of others and their skills.
6. Openly communicate, clarifying expectations and providing feedback.

I want to challenge those of you who are reading this, to ask yourself if you believe you can achieve success. Remember, success is different for each of us; therefore, you need to determine what success means to you. From there start to “act yourself into a new way of being.” Try on the six leadership traits Rudi’s suggests will lead to greatness and see how they feel. Greatness is not born out of waiting to see what might happen, it born out of taking a risk and making things happen!

- Dr. Dionne Kress, DM

I have a strong personal belief that there is a connection between the mind and body. The mind and body need to be in balance to live an optimal life. I am talking about the connection between our physical well-being, and our emotions and thoughts. It has been proven through science that our state of mind powerfully affects our physical bodies.

If our minds are full of negative thoughts and we feel a constant state of stress, our bodies will respond in a negative way. We negatively influence our bodies if our thoughts are negative. Chronic stress, depression, and anxiety will lead to disease, obesity and a decreased immune system. A negative state of mind will increase the likelihood that you develop heart disease, diabetes, or possibly cancer. So why not improve your mood and improve your health!

Simply put you need to shift your mental state of mind from downbeat to upbeat. How hard could it be to put a smile on your face, knowing it will improve your health and potentially lead to a longer life? Think about it, when do you feel good and take better care of yourself, when you are depressed and your mind is racing with negative thoughts or when you are feeling positive and your thoughts are optimistic?

When we are emotionally positive, we take better care of our bodies. We eat better, sleep better, and we are more likely to engage in exercise or physical activities. Positive emotions encourage us to explore new experiences, engage in social activities, and they boost our creative thought process, resulting in better problem-solving abilities.

To clarify, happiness and having a positive emotional state of mind is not just acting happy, happy, joy, joy. A positive emotional state of mind also includes appreciation and gratitude for the good things in your life. Positive emotions include interest, curiosity, and enjoyment. Feelings of serenity, pleasure, love and hope all fill us with positive emotions. I am also not suggesting you suppress negative emotions. Emotional expression is the key to a well-balanced mind and body. Experiencing the broad spectrum of emotions we all have is healthy, as long as you are not stuck in the negative for too long.

To begin the processes of shifting from downbeat to upbeat move your body. We have all read the research that says exercise improves your mood, well its true, take a brisk 20-minute walk. Just be, sit quietly for 10 minutes, and simply appreciate all the good in your life. There is plenty to be grateful for. Do something for someone else. There is a sense of pride and satisfaction when we help another person.

I believe that we each strive to achieve a sense of well-being and balance in our lives. However, we some how complicate life making things harder than they actually need to be. Achieving the balance between the mind and body does not require great effort it simply demands conscious awareness of our state of mind resulting in a strong healthy body.

- Dr. Dionne Kress, DM

There are seven dimensions of optimal health and wellness to consider when working toward harmony and balance in life. Health and wellness do not solely include eating nutritiously and engaging in regular exercise. While these two components of health are important, they are not the only two aspects of wellness we should be focusing on. Seven dimensions need to be in balance for optimal health and wellness to be experienced. The seven dimensions include:

1. Nutritional and Physical Health
2. Spiritual Wellness
3. Psychological, Mental, and Emotional Well-being
4. Career Satisfaction
5. Financial Stability
6. Social Networks
7. Family Health and Personal Relationships

Achieving balance in all seven dimensions will provide a sense of greater purpose and a feeling of satisfaction with life.

If we over prioritize one of the seven dimensions we sacrifice the balance of another. An example would be prioritizing career over family. If you focus more on your career, it will result in sacrifices and suffering in your family life. Conversely, when you have all seven dimensions in balance, you will experience improvements and positive changes throughout your life. For example, if you exercise and improve your level of physical fitness positive changes will be experienced in your psychological, social, and spiritual dimensions, as well as career and family. Physical health decreases stress and anxiety, improves our emotional well-being, and will improve your self-esteem resulting positive interpersonal relationships.

Managing and the achievement of balance in all seven dimensions can feel like a daunting task. I recommend you find a system for recording your successes and challenges that works best for you. Journals are a great tool to keep track of goals, activities, thoughts, concerns, doubts, progress, and achievements. A journal is a place you can process through whatever you are working on, keeping record of how far you have come and challenges you have conquered.

To find balance with the seven dimensions you will need to clearer prioritize your values. Values are the things in life that have meaning to you. They are the code of conduct through which you live your life. Values govern the importance you place on things such as honor, integrity, truth, and fairness. Additionally, values determine how you manage relationships, family, happiness, career, and health.

The establishment of goals will also lead to your successful achievement of health, wellness, and harmony. You will need to be distinct about the goals that you set for yourself. Clarify your personal goals, spelling out exactly what you want. Reflect on what it will mean to you once you get what you want and have achieved your goals. Consider the positive changes you will have brought into your life.

We often visualize achieving our goals and the feelings of success. We know what we want, we can dream vividly about the experience of positive interpersonal relationships. We know how we would look if we had the body we desired. We know the reduced level of anxiety we would feel if your finances were in order. “…you see, in life lots of people know what to do but few people actively do what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action” (Anthony Robbins).

- Dr. Dionne Kress, DM

At the end of the day, do you ever take a moment to reflect upon what you are most appreciative? Do you stop to consider the gifts the day has provided? Do contemplate moments, the present moments you are most grateful for? Do you say thanks for the relationships that surround you, providing a supportive foundation making life meaningful and valuable?

I am asking you to consider these things because life is short and we need to appreciate every moment. So many of us allow our thoughts to wander and look into the future rather than considering the present. We are often preoccupied with anticipation of what is about to come rather than what is happening now.

I would like to share what inspired me to write about the importance of being in the moment and living for today. It is based upon a real experience, an unfortunate experience. This past week I received one of those dreaded phone calls. My best friend called to tell me she would not be able to attend our 20th High School reunion because her husband’s best friend had passed away. She stated he was enjoying time away on vacation with friends and family and simply collapsed, no explanation, no extenuating circumstances, no logical reasoning. He was 38 soon to be 39! He was young, vibrant established in his life and focused upon what the future held.

This news hit close to home for me because I too am 38 soon to be 39! And although, I value purposeful living I all too often find myself focused upon the future. I set goals and have plans all taking me somewhere into the future on my journey through life. I am always practicing being present, but this news made me realize I need to get better at being happy for the here and now, ALWAYS! Celebration of the small things occurring NOW, rather than always planning for the big future event, reminds us of the good things that happen each day.

If we begin to embrace the philosophy of living for today, we give ourselves permission to pay attention to the here and now. We can stop worrying about the things we cannot control. Living for today concentrates our awareness on being in the present rather that hoping for something in the future.

We cannot prevent all the stresses we encounter in a day, but we can control how we respond. If we manage our emotions, we can prevent emotional reactions from leading us down a spiraling path. When faced with a challenge or frustrating event simply analyze it for a moment, determine a course of action, and then respond.

Worrying or being occupied about what might be keeps us from enjoying the present. Worrying is a waste of time and energy, not to mention bad for our health. Worry does not help change future experiences. On the contrary, worrying can actually make things worse.

We cannot change the past and we do not know what looms ahead. Enjoying the sunshine today (even if it is behind the clouds), celebrating daily occurrences with friends and family, being happy in the moment helps to keep us present. Enjoy today you do not want to miss something valuable that could be gone forever. Tomorrow will be a new day.

Dr. Dionne Kress, DM